The healing journey is not a linear process. It has hills, valleys, and when you reach a mountain top there is a sense of elation and self discovery, and a feeling of “I made it”! When you start to gain greater nervous system regulation, there is a discovery and capacity for being able to be with past triggers. When you do dip into a valley it does not feel great and often triggers the tender younger parts of you to arise with their well meaning, but constricted black and white thinking.
These younger versions of yourself have their own, nervous system, behavioral and reactionary patterns and were created at a time when you had to survive. Their roles of protection are filtered through that lens of not feeling safe, and often manifest in ways to keep you small, nonthreatening, and even hidden. Abstract thinking typically develops in humans during adolescence, around age 12, marking the formal operational stage of cognitive development. You know it is a younger part when there are polarized messages of “I have to be perfect, do perfect or I am worthless”, or “I have to try 150% or I’m lazy,” etcetera.
I invite you to bring gentle awareness to their patterns of behavior, automatic reactions, emotions, and sensations, or even where you feel them in your body. This could look like chronic pain that has been medically cleared, fawning behavior triggered when someone seems threatening, or a sensation pattern of tightness in the body. Practice befriending instead of pushing away, inviting in curiosity and compassion, checking in with your pain/sensation/emotion and ask, “what do you need me to know?”
The negative experiences from your childhood are intricate and multi-layered, often requiring the development of courageous self-compassion skills to navigate. A fundamental question arises: How could any baby or child entering this world not be worthy of unconditional love? It’s important to consider that the trauma burden left by your caregivers is not yours to carry. They may not have been able to provide the care/love you needed and deserved, and how could you (as a baby/child) be responsible for that. You have always been enough, you have always been worthy.
Yours in Healing,
Caroldean
Somatic Trauma Therapist
