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Dear Friends,

Choice seems so easy for some, but as a small child if choice was not given or taken away what then? If you grew up in the environment of having your big feelings being dismissed, physical wounds downplayed, your body not yours, your achievements not yours, no choice in food, clothing or activities. If you experienced all or one of these, the underlying message is that your choices do not matter, you do not matter. As a small child with black and white thinking, you internalize these messages into your body, mind and spirit.

This is not a life sentence though, and it takes a questioning and an understanding of where powerlessness in life started. To start the practice of reawakening the innate ability to choose. To choose differently for yourself, to reach out for a life where you are in the fullest expression of self.

We all have the right to choose, invite curiosity as to why you might at times, not make choices that serve who you really are. Developmental trauma does not have to be a life sentence, your words matter, you matter. Reawaken and exercise your choices they matter, and always have.

With the warmest appreciation,

Caroldean Jude,

Somatic Experiencing Therapy

Somatic Resilience & Regulation

Somatic Touch Skills Therapy

Internal Family Systems Therapy

developmentaltrauma,  somatichealing,  somaticexperiencingkelowna,  somaticexperiencingtherapy,  somaticexperiencing,  childhoodtrauma,  thebodykeepsthescore,  nervoussystemregulation,  transformingtouchtherapy,  griefsupport

Dear Friends,

I have recently seen people in my practice that are struggling with grief, and they have shared that getting the support/ understanding from close friends and loved ones, can be challenging. Part of the problem is in our “modern society” is we have not integrated grief as part of our culture. That somehow grief is something that should not be lingered upon, and better still shoved away into a crawl space, never to be looked at again.

Grief has no timeline and has many faces. Grief can be big as in a loved one passing away suddenly or after a long illness. There can be sadness in leaving an old job for a new one you wanted, and being surprised that you are grieving elements of the old job. There is grief in a relationship ending, and even though it no longer served you, there is sadness for a future that you thought you would have together.

In the bigger experiences of grief (this is subjective and not to be quantified/judged), the body may be thrown into shock, numbness and feeling frozen. This is the result of the sympathetic part (fight/flight) flooding the body with cortisol/adrenaline and the brake slams on (dorsal vagal branch of parasympathetic) and shuts the body down. This is the “deer in headlights” freeze. and is not a conscious choice. This is part of your body’s innate survival strategy coming to save the body system from overwhelm.

The problem comes when self judgment or others around you, judge this response. “You should be crying right now” or “you should just go back to work”, or “you need to move on and get over it”. All of which may be well meaning, with in the intention of “fixing” you, however, adds to the pain by placing guilt for the difficulties of being in the freeze response. However, you can choose to be your own advocate here and allow space for your healing, befriending the sensations and thoughts associated with your grief, recognizing that this a process to be honored and not shunned.

Practices to help you and your nervous system:

• 4-7-8 breathe – blow out first, inhale to count of 4, pause for count of 7, and exhale like you are blowing through a straw for count of 8. Adjust to your comfort, with a focus of longer exhale than inhale.
• Moist heat on the kidney/adrenals, to support the signal to the adrenals that all is well.
• Self hug – place right hand on shoulder, left hand to your armpit, left ear to right hand (or visa versa).
• Regular sleep schedule.
• A vagal nerve exercise where you tilt right ear to right shoulder, head in line with torso and face forward, look down with just the eyes to right shoulder, pause, then look up to the ceiling without moving the head, move head back to center and repeat on the other side. Play with time frame try 10 seconds with each eye movement and rest in center and see what works best for you.

Allowing yourself to be as you are, letting the grief be how it is showing up in your body, mind and spirit, will help the thaw. Befriending grief, practicing self compassion and self care will help you in the process of healing. Acknowledging that there might not be a “getting over it”, that integrating loss is not throwing it away, it is a process of softening around it, that will offer some ease. Grief has no timeline, nor should it.

If you have any questions, please feel free to reach out to me.

With warm appreciation,

Caroldean Jude,

Somatic Experiencing Practitioner

Somatic Trauma Therapist

Internal Family Systems Informed

250-215-0080

We are wired for survival and living through trauma can show up in different ways in the body, such as fight, flight or freeze. We do not consciously decide which of these nervous system expressions show up. Freeze carries with it a lot of shame, blame and doubt. Why didn’t I run, or fight back, why did my legs turn to lead? 

This is an involuntary immobilization which leads to inhibition of breathing, slowing of heart rate and basically looking like you are dead. These are all components of a defence system that evolved in ancient vertebrates, that is still embedded within human nervous systems. Predators would rather feast on fresh meat than a corpse that is full of bacteria.

As a little person you could not fight or flee danger, so your body chose to freeze to survive. As an adult now you can choose to re-pattern this automatic response. Empower your voice and nervous system to heal and regain your vitality. Your life is yours, your words matter, thaw and live the life YOU are meant to have.

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Dear Friends,

I am seeing this lately in a few social media posts that resilience is being seen as being “touch” or a proof of “strength.”  This a falsehood as resilience is the inner capacity to weather storms, not fight against them.

Dr. Peter Levine (developer of Somatic Experiencing) once said:  “I do not work with trauma, I work with resilience.”  As a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, I continue his work through helping people to uncover, expand their resilience, and begin to regulate their nervous systems.

Everyone’s capacity for resilience is built (in part) from birth, with the aide of a loving caregiver.  From 0 – 6 months nervous system regulation is being provided by a caregiver as your NS has not matured yet.  If loving care is not received, the framework of resilience can possibly have a wobbly base.  So adversities that happen in life might feel in your body as “bigger”, like putting rocks on top of a table with loose legs.  These base however, can be repaired, building capacity to be with the pain instead of the pattern of “buck up and soldier on” and/or “I’m fine.”  

You are more resilient than you think, as proved with your survival from  whatever trauma storm you have faced. Your resilience just needs to be rediscovered and nurtured, possibly for the first time.   You have the innate ability to heal your mind, body and spirit from trauma, and live with rediscovered vitality.  Of this I am sure.

Please contact me for a free 20 minute consultation to see how Somatic Experiencing and Internal Family Systems can help you in rebuilding your resilience.

With gentle warmness,

Caroldean Jude, 

Somatic Experiencing Practitioner

Internal Family Systems Practitioner

Trauma Informed Yoga Teacher

Mental health struggles do not show. PTSD, chronic anxiety, depression or grief all can hide behind the seemingly “I’m fine” exterior. At the very core of life, nothing is more important than our physical and mental health. Especially now, the global crisis that we are living through, which is taking its toll on both. When we reach the moment of “when this is over”, there is going to be lasting repercussions of its effects, especially in our nervous systems. We have an unseen threat (Covid-19), and our nervous systems are trying to make sense of the fight, flight and possibly collapse (freeze) energy in our bodies. We cannot see the threat, but feel the danger of it and the nervous system stays activated or “on”. This leads to ongoing stress, and adrenal fatigue, which can show up in the body as chronic fatigue, anxiety, irritable bowel or leaky gut syndrome.

There are a few exercises that can be practiced at any time when you feel disconnected from your body and/or some parts of it lack sensation.

1. Making a “Voo” sound. It is a low vibratory sound (think foghorn), centered in the abdomen. This gentle vibration slightly mobilizes the digestive tract, providing feedback to the vagus nerve system to begin to “unlock” that frozen/disconnected feeling. Take a deep slow easy breath filling up the belly, and as you breathe out make the “Voo” sound, letting it come from the abdomen. Repeat this 3 times. Notice the sensations that arise in the body with curiosity. You can do this by yourself or practice this with a partner.
2. Notice one of your hands. Attend to the sensations and awareness of the skin, muscles and the bones of one hand and then compare it to the other. It is a simple way to demonstrate how creating awareness of a body part leads to more awareness of what is occurring in the body as a whole.
3. Body awareness in the shower. When you are having a shower, do a body scan focusing on which part of the body the water is flowing onto. Noticing the temperature, pressure, and weight of the water on your head, shoulders, and each arm/hand. Allow the sensations or lack of sensations to be felt in any way they are occurring. This is where curiosity instead of judgement is helpful. We do not need to judge anything that is experienced, or categorize it as “good” or “bad”.

Have you ever had the experience, in the rush to get ready for going away, only to get sick when you finally arrive at your holiday destination? This is the body’s signal that we were pushing too hard and not paying attention to our physical and emotional health. Practicing compassionate awareness of the feelings in your body, is essential for wellness on the other side of this global pandemic. Be kind and curious, allow your feelings and emotions to be in the body and ask them, “what do you need right now?” , “what do you need me to know?” I know it might feel a little strange at first, but often there are parts of us that just need to be acknowledged and not pushed away. By attending to what needs to be seen/felt with compassionate awareness, you will create more resilience in your nervous system, leaving more energy for the business of living. Listen, be curious and nurture you, there will be a life after the pandemic is over and you will want to be ready to live it with vitality!

Yours in healing,

Caroldean, Somatic Experience Informed Practitioner,

500 RYT, Trauma-Informed Yoga Teacher

In my journey to become an SE Practitioner and now studying the Internal Family Systems modality, one of the pearls of wisdom I have learned is the ability for us to listen within.  Listening is a skill in life that has its challenges, when trying to hear others, as well as, practicing hearing what needs to be heard from ourselves.  I have certainly found this in my own healing journey especially when strong resistance arises, which more often than not, is a big signal to listen in with even more patience and compassion.

It starts with awareness of our self-energy, or seat of consciousness, and inviting in the neutrality of being a witness of your inner world.  It is a reconnection to self, attending and nurturing with compassion what has been trying to get your attention for some time.  A simple checking in with what works for you, to reconnect the lines of communication with your self-energy. The practice of meditating, yoga, walking or being mindfully still without distractions is a start. I like the metaphor of tending your inner garden, allowing the plants that support the whole to be kept and gently weeding out those that do not.

Healing starts with our willingness to practice listening and welcoming the unwelcome emotions with curiosity and compassion.  One must practice locating where these emotions are living in the body and ask the question “what do you need to tell me?”   It is a brave thing to welcome in these emotions, cultivating and being curious about what might need to be tended to.  To quote Glennon Doyle, author of Untamed, “Again and again forever, these things are hard, but we can do hard things because when we do, we finally become alive”.

We can do hard things. In creating that openness and curiosity by allowing ourselves to be aware of and feel our emotions, we can reconnect and heal ourselves, communities and the planet.  You are worth the listen.